However, my significant locks were not the reason I take finger to keyboard, it was the lovely ensemble I was wearing in the re-taken photo. I had been elected Freshman Class Favorite at Southwest Mississippi Community College because this is the South and we love our superlatives. And I wanted to make a great impression for posterity’s sake. I mean, what were the odds that this would happen again, I thought to myself. And an honor such as this required a photo for the yearbook with a proper outfit. And someone as concerned with my clothes as I was, the math was not on my side. The following equation will assist you in picturing my reality:
Now, the reshoot was a bit better due to the borrowing of clothing more, but still not quite, appropriate for the occasion. You see, America had been getting fatter by the decade and the clothing options were changing, but as an over-achiever, I had been getting fatter much more quickly than my fellow countrymen. In 1988 there was no size 38 (inches) in Girbaud or Guess jeans. By 1990, when those sizes premiered publicly, I was sporting a 40-inch waist. Beyond feeling fat and ugly, it came to pass that the only person the same size as I and with whom I could borrow clothes was my father. Can’t you just feel my excitement? If I ever wanted to be a stand-in on ‘Hee-Haw’ or break into the country music scene in 1975, I was ready, people.