Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Faux Crocodile Waste Baskets and the Literary Elite
This past Sunday I was feeling a little more country than normal because I was craving red meat like a son of a gun. My brunch buddies and decided on Outback because most non-chain steak houses are closed for lunch and I am a sucker for a fried onion, y’all. Don’t judge me.
Afterwards I had nothing planned other than a quick trip to the grocery store and a car wash, because my car was in need of a cleaning, people. The dirt had reached critical mass. The only thing around here resembling rain is, well, actually nothing around here resembles rain. It’s as dry as Yankee stuffing on Thanksgiving, said the proper Southerner who made dressing like God intended. And mind you, my car is spotless on the inside. I keep my gold faux crocodile waste basket regularly emptied. Your question to me may be why I have this in my car. My response would be, “What color would you choose to complement a chestnut interior?”
Prior to provision acquisition I frequented my favorite car wash place. It’s one of those automatic washers which pull your car along a belt so you can literally do nothing while cleanliness occurs all around you. I decided to check Facebook to see what’s going on in the lives of those friends who I haven’t unfollowed due to their ridiculous rhetoric about guns or politics or both. And for the record, when it comes to politics, I am decidedly con. I find most politicians repugnant or, at the very least, untrustworthy and exhausting.
To my surprise and delight, I found Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess) was having a book reading and signing in Pasadena, home of Big Bang Theory and about 30 miles from the particular spot where I sat gliding through the foam. And it started in 45 minutes. And I needed to see her (1) because she has written two hilarious books (Let’s Pretend this Never Happened and Furiously Happy) and (2) I wanted to introduce her to my blog. My hope is to turn my blog, this one right here, into a book, y’all.
For those not living in the Los Angeles area, most people can get 30 miles in about 30 minutes; around here, not so much. I knew I had to leave immediately to even begin to arrive within a reasonable amount of time to meet, much less hear Ms. Lawson; who is honest, hilarious and a writer like I want to be. As I am always appropriately attired, I didn't have to give my clothes a second thought. It's times like these when I am glad I never leave home in anything less than a fantastic outfit. I knew every minute counted so I did not return home to retrieve her books, naively thinking I would pick up a copy at the store. I bypassed the free vacuum with purchase and raced toward Sheldon and Leonard’s ‘hood.
I arrived at the location much more quickly than I would have thought possible without a TARDIS, only to find they were sold out of both of her books. I chose to purchase a “Be Awesome Today” journal in electric salmon leather as I can always use a new journal and I felt Jenny would approve. And two and a half hours later, she did.