I recently read the optimal sleeping position is on your left side;
something to do with internal organ alignment. I was pleased to know this as I have been
sleeping in this position since I lost all my weight and stopped using my
CPAP. For those not in the know, a CPAP
(Continuous Positive Air Pressure) is a device which forces air into your nose to
keep you breathing while you sleep.
Sleep apnea is a condition which causes you to stop breathing when you
are asleep.
For many years, I
had no idea I had sleep apnea. From my
junior year in college until I became roommates with my best friend Christopher
in 2002, I lived mostly by myself. My
brother and I shared a tiny house for one semester when we both went to Ole
Miss, but he never complained about my snoring.
Maybe he was a heavy sleeper, snored too or was simply too polite to say
something. I don’t know. All I knew was I was exhausted all the
time. I feel quite strongly it had
nothing to do with my diet. Chicken
strips and Dr. Pepper at midnight can’t possibly be bad for you, right?
The morning after
the first night as roommates, Christopher asked me, very politely, if I was
able to vanquish the wildebeest from my bedroom. When I asked what he meant, he said, “I
assume you were wrestling with some animal last night. How else would you explain those noises?” I was appalled. The only person I knew who snored was The Dad
and I was not about to be lumped into any category with him. The only clue I didn’t have a restful night
was the fact I woke up with all the covers wrapped around my face and neck and
the pillows on the floor. This was not
uncommon so I gave it no further thought.
Upon the
accusations of snoring, I was insistent I made no such noise, especially loud
enough for Christopher to hear as our bedrooms were on opposite ends of the
apartment. When he shared a recording of
what sounded like a group of lumberjacks with their chainsaws at full throttle,
I decided to see a pulmonologist who didn’t even wait until the end of the test
to prescribed a CPAP.
Use of a CPAP
requires you to sleep in a supine position as you must wear a mask for the
machine to work properly. I quickly
mastered sleeping without moving as I was thrilled with getting a proper night’s
sleep and reducing my chances of dying in the night.
Having traveled on
vacation with my sister and her children every year since at least 2005, I am
used to sharing a Queen-sized bed with her.
She says I freak her out as I don’t move at any point while I’m
asleep. “Like a dead person”, she
says. All I know is making the bed in
the morning for me takes, literally, three seconds. When my sister recently visited me for her
vacation, I found she now sleeps on her stomach splayed across the bed, sheets
covering only her feet, looking every bit like a crime scene recreation without
the blood or number placards used by detectives to document clues. Oh, and she snores.
I would complain
about her snoring but as a former snorer myself I try to cut her some slack and
simply wear earplugs. I already have
them in my bedside table as Ben snores, too.
Earplugs provide a peaceful sleep, y’all, not just protection while
swimming.
You can understand
how I was expecting an uneventful night’s sleep when I was rudely awakened by
her kicking me in the butt. I turned
over to protest and saw she was on her side moaning. As she is my older sister (she is 49; I am a
pubescent 46) I was concerned she might be having a medical event. As her favorite food is carbs, my first
thought was ‘heart attack’. As her
second favorite food is tomatoes, my next thought was ‘indigestion’.
I said, or rather shouted,
as I forgot I was wearing the ear plugs, “Are you all right?”
She managed to
squeak, “Pull me.”
“Pull you? Like back from the light?” I was confused. Was she dying? “Stay with me girl!” I yelled.
She said, “Ugh. Catch me, I’m falling.”
I grabbed her arm
and pulled her back onto the bed. It
turns out she had woken up, checked her phone for the time, realized she didn’t
have it plugged into the charger and was reaching for the cord when she started
to fall out of bed. That’s when she kicked
me. I never ascertained if the kick was
accidental or purposeful and she’s not saying.
Responsible phone
usage is a real thing with real consequences.
Mostly just embarrassment in a blog post, but still.
