Just a Normal Wednesday at Work

          From time to time there are those who ask, 'What exactly do you do at work every day?"  It's an interesting question and I understand not everyone has an idea of what the Assistant Director of the VA Long Beach Healthcare System would do on any given day other than attend meetings, wearing a suit.  Truth be told, I do attend a lot of meetings and I do wear many beautiful suits with coordinating ties and pocket squares.  I sometimes attend pre-meeting meetings, which are actually a thing; luckily they are the exception rather than the rule.
          One of the things I get to do and one I enjoy is speaking to groups of people whether to support, inspire, educate or simply entertain.  The Dad says I should be thankful I "get paid to talk" and I am very thankful.  Days like today, I relish the opportunity to offer demonstrable support to the remarkable people who do wonderful work for our veterans.
          This morning, I was honored to represent VA Long Beach at the Annual Community Behavioral Health Summit in Orange County.  It is a collaboration between VA and our community partners to address mental health issues among our veteran population with this year's emphasis on ending veteran suicide.  I thought I would share with you my opening remarks.
          "Good morning.  It is my privilege to welcome you to the Annual Community Behavioral Health Summit.  This event is an integral part of our ongoing journey to end veteran suicide.  This year's theme '22' is a number with which we are all familiar and one we want to improve.  It's the number of veterans who commit suicide every day.  It's easy for people to say to us, "Let's end veteran suicide"; it is difficult to do, especially considering more than 60 % of the veterans who complete suicide are not receiving care at any VA medical center or clinic.
          Recognizing we cannot address this challenge alone, we seek to collaborate with you, our community partners, to develop creative, meaningful solutions to get our message of help and hope to our veterans wherever they live and whatever their circumstances.  We want to ensure those who need our services are helped in a timely and comprehensive manner.
          While VA has made strides with presumptive diagnoses for PTSD and TBI (in those returning home from the most recent conflicts) and expansion of tele-mental health programs.  Department of Defense is beginning to partner with us to share medical histories of those leaving service, but there are still gaps in reaching those who needs us, especially considering the veteran population is seemingly wired to believe that asking for help is a weakness.
          My father is an Army vet from the Vietnam Era and has suffered for years with depression and what seems to be undiagnosed PTSD.  He refuses to address his need for mental health services because he has said many times, "I'm Airborne.  I can deal with anything.  I don't need no shrink."
          We want you to know we know your work is an uphill battle and we applaud your willingness to tackle this challenge.  We also want you to know our support for your work will not waver and our trust in your ability to end veteran suicide is steadfast. 
          We truly thank you for what you have and will continue to accomplish.  We wish you Godspeed in these life-saving endeavors which continue here today and throughout what we know will ultimately be a successful collaboration to end veteran suicide in Southern California.
          But we need you to remember to practice self-care.  You are too important to forget about taking care of you.  You must do everything you teach others to do to ensure you are in peak fighting form every day.  This is a battle for the lives of our heroes and you are the key component in our strategy to win this battle.
          You are the deliverers of exceptional mental healthcare and if I can leave you with one thought, it would be this:  Never forget you are not alone in this fight for our veterans' lives.  We are here to support you so you can be there to save them.
          Thank you."


          There are many wonderful things happening at the VA every day.  I guess I don't share enough of the great work we accomplish each and every day.  I think I will start by giving you some insight into at least what we're doing here in Long Beach, California, where we have same day Primary Care and Mental Health walk-in clinics, just to give two examples.  It's how we are trying to meet and exceed the expectations of our Nation's Finest and I am so very proud to call this organization and it's many talented and compassionate employees, my home team.

Why on Earth Do They Have Wings?

Recently my church put together care packages for the homeless.  In each package, there were items like a toothbrush and toothpaste, lotion, razors, shampoo, Q-tips, socks and a $5-10.  Along with those we had smaller additional bags with snacks, like trail mix and granola bars.  There were also additional bags with feminine hygiene products, for the female homeless we unfortunately have here in Southern California.  I don’t know why, but it bothers me much more when I see a homeless woman than when I see a homeless man. 

However, I was excited about these additional female-centric bags as I know of several homeless women who spend time in and around the shopping center parking lot, across the street from my medical center.  I go there almost every day to get my iced tea at the Starbucks located just inside the front door of Target.  Full disclosure, I go there six days a week and they make my drink (along with my co-worker Melissa’s drink) a soon as they see us enter the store.  I don’t know whether to be flattered or embarrassed, so I choose to be flattered.  I do not have an addiction to tea, he said defensively.

                I took five of the large packages as well as the snack bags as there are a surprising number of homeless on my drive to work, even though the commute is less than two miles.  I also took three of the female packages as I thought I might be able to help the ladies around the Target.  I refer to them as the Ladies of Target but I realize, as I type this, you might confuse them with the wonderful ladies who work at said Target and I don’t want to upset them, as they hold the keys to my happiness; mostly iced tea and the occasional bag of Pop Chips.

                As the week went by, I was able to navigate the appropriate and safe lane changes to come into contact with the homeless on my trips to and from work, errands, dinner and, let’s be honest, shopping.  However, I ran out of bags before I saw any of the homeless women.  I began to notice that I had not noticed them in the week or so since I became well-supplied to offer assistance.  I am unsure if they have found housing or moved away or something more nefarious has happened.

                Truth be told, since I have been out of town on a whirlwind speaking tour of Central Texas (and by whirlwind, I mean I spoke at one conference, but they paid me to speak so, yay me!) I had completely forgotten about the small bags filled with bags of tampons (and I apologize to my sister Shontyl, for having just typed that particular word) sitting on the floorboard in the back seat of my car.

                Their presence was brought to my attention this morning when Ben opened the back door of the car to place the groceries on the back seat after our jaunt to Trader Joe’s.  He asked, with great concern in his voice, “BooBoo (he calls me BooBoo), what is in this bag?”

                I replied, “Oh, it’s just tampons for homeless people.”

                He asked, “Oh?  Do they require these items?”

                I said, “Well some of them do but I couldn’t find them so I now have a bag filled with smaller bags filled with tampons and I don't know what to do with them.”

                And I truly don’t know.  Do I drive up and hand them, without any other items or explanations, to the first homeless woman I see?  Do I throw them away?  Isn’t that wasteful?  Do I take them back to church and turn them in?  Do I offer them to a female friend?  Is that intrusive?  Is it appropriate?  Wouldn't it be considered a great thing for someone who is cost-conscious? 

                Moreover, I don't even know what kind they are.  Are they the ones that make you ride a bike or go mountain climbing?  If so, do I need to inquire about the intended recipient's activity level before I offer them?  Are they the ones with wings?  Why on earth do they have wings?  Are there different kinds or have I fallen victim to predatory advertising?  Am I over-thinking this and just need to stop?  Am I the only person with these types of problems?  I’m at a loss, y’all.

                I’m up for suggestions.  Thank you in advance for your assistance.

               

An Open Apology to The Dad

               Throughout my childhood and even into adulthood, there were preferences The Dad had that I found annoying or ridiculous.  It sometimes seemed he was trying his best to be difficult with the specificity of his demands.  Requests such as extra ice in his tea, pockets on all his shirts, the eternal search for biscuits “as good as your mama’s” and irrational cravings for Zagnut candy bars, which I didn’t even realize they still manufactured.

                Now that I am sneaking up on 47 like I’m a ninja, I understand what he was talking about.  Over the last year, I have noticed that I order extra ice in my tea because it’s usually not cold enough.  Iced tea should mean just that; iced.  I have never ordered lukewarm tea.  I don’t think anyone has other than Amy Farrah Fowler in her inaugural appearance in Big Bang Theory, and, if memory serves, she asked for “tepid water”.  God doesn’t even like lukewarm things, like that Bible verse tells us so our preference is, at least, religious in nature.

I also celebrate when I find French-cuff dress shirts or polos with a pocket.  Now, I don’t store crochet needles, reading glasses and false teeth in my shirt pocket like The Dad does, but I do like to have a place to put my phone or writing implement when I need to use both hands.  You’d be surprised how often you need to use both hands.  At least I was surprised.  I also place my glasses there when I am outside and forced to wear my prescription sunglasses because my pupils are too large and my eye color too light according to my eye doctor.  I don’t want to be “blind when (you’re) old, Dustin” so I adhere to her suggestion of sunglasses when outdoors.  I really do wish someone would hurry up and invent tinted, air-conditioned tubes for transporting people to and from important places like the bakery or TJ Maxx.

The Dad also distrusts automatic withdrawals for bill payment and depositing checks via cell phone.  I’m okay with automatic withdrawals as I have only been burned once in 20 years with a double-charge, but I do not like the depositing check via phone.  I received a large check recently and went to the bank to deposit it in person.  The teller asked if the ATM wasn’t working.  When I told her it was fine, I just felt more secure depositing it in person, she looked at me with that mixture of condescension and pity, not unlike the look you give people who can’t operate a revolving door.  I wanted to protest her attitude but realized that would only confirm my “old man-ness” to her and I was already behind schedule for my trip to Starbucks and the thrift store, because it was Saturday and that’s what I do on Saturdays.

I will never find a biscuit as delicious as my mother’s but I, too, find myself ordering them when available and enjoying the treat much less than I should because they don’t measure up.  I should simply be happy I found a biscuit in the land of the gluten-free, vegan hippie bakers.

I don’t crave Zagnuts, but I do crave Oh, Henry’s and they are just as difficult to locate, although I have found a cute little boutique candy store which sells both and I treat us to one every couple of months.  Mine, I start eating on the way home; his I mail in his ‘happy box’ as soon as I have procured four or five books I think he might like to justify mailing something other than a candy bar.  A happy box from Uncle Dusty is one of the perks of being related to me.  Reading and puzzles is what has kept him sharp and ornery, so it’s good for him but not so great for the dynamic duo of my brother and sister-in-law, who have been housing him for the last year.  Their crowns will be large in Heaven, which I hope is a comfort to them.

The last thing I noticed is something which might surprise people.  My father and I are both introverts.  I am an extroverted introvert; he is simply an introvert.  I have no problem talking to people but as I’ve gotten older, it tires me much more quickly and I find myself, like him, with the overwhelming desire to be left alone (except Ben and/or my sister) but still privy to all information concerning available activities or outings should I decide I want to participate.  It’s an odd thing to try to explain.  Suffice it to say, I get it now.

So, I apologize, Old Man.  I thought you were just old and crazy when I was younger.  Now I realize you were simply requesting things you felt made sense because they made sense to you.  Now that I am older,  I am right there with you.  To say you are crazy would be to admit I have crazy tendencies and we are not getting into that discussion right now. 

For those who don't know, Ben’s native language is Cebuano, as his family is from the Philippines.  He has been teaching me random words and phrases.  One of the first words he taught me is buang.  Full disclosure, buang means crazy.  It’s a coincidence, right?