While most people in America, according to my Facebook friends,
were watching the Super Bowl, I did not.
I am disinterested on a good day and since my beloved Saints were
cheated out of their right to publicly shame Tom Brady and the rest of those persnickety
New Englanders by giving them a Louisiana-style whoopin’ all up on the TV, I
was looking for other things to do, do you hear me?
Apparently,
my SoCal circle of friends wasn’t partying down either, so there were no
invitations to overeat wings and such that Ben and I would have turned down. Watching “The Football” is not something Ben
is inclined to do either. So, we
ventured home and after cooking our Spanish Salmon with Farro, Zucchini and
Dates, from Blue Apron, it was chores, chores and more chores. One of those chosen for me was cleaning the
shower.
Like everyone
else, I dislike cleaning but not enough to actually pout about it. I will do what is necessary to reside in a
clean environment, but I was already irritated with the shower curtain liner, so I wasn’t
looking forward to getting back in the vicinity.
You
see, our old shower curtain liner had long outlived its expected expiration
date, considering I bought it at Dollar Tree about 6 months ago. I don’t normally buy home goods at Dollar
Tree but when you need a liner and you remember that fact while you are
in said Dollar Tree, stocking up on Trail Mix, paper plates and off-brand Ziploc©
bags, you buy it while it’s handy. I had
every intention of buying another one, should this one not work out.
Any of
my fellow Dollar Tree-uns (Dollar Tree-tees?) knows that some of the stuff you
buy there is actually good quality, some of it is not. I buy Snickers and mylar balloons and dental floss
and cold medicine with no thought whatsoever that it would be inferior. I would not buy air freshener, chips or a
home pregnancy test. Yes, they have
those for the budget conscious lady in need of said item.
And the
Dollar Tree liner worked very well; it knew it’s place. It did right every time. It didn’t touch me or try to be all up on me
when I was taking part in my daily ablutions.
But, like many loyal objects, the Dollar Tree shower curtain passed on
and I had to buy another one, so I went to a much nicer establishment thinking
it was time to upgrade. I have a good government
job and I was going to treat us, y’all.
True story. So, I bought a very
nice shower curtain liner; a thick plastic one with little magnets that were supposed
to keep it anchored to the side of the tub, protecting our lovely floral shower
curtain by Isaac Mizrahi, that I bought on triple clearance at HomeGoods; you
know when they have the yellow sticker that pretty much means “Take this now before
we throw it away”? I wondered if tubs
are magnetic. According to Google, many
old tubs are. As our bathtub appears to
be old enough to have lived through The Depression, I figured we were good to
go.
I brought
it home, hung it up and decided to take the inaugural shower. Needless to say, the magnets did not work,
and that shower liner clung to me like a new puppy. It was all up on me, y’all, and I wasn’t
having it. It wouldn’t behave even when I
told it all about itself. And I assure
you I did. I have no problem telling
inanimate objects to “do right”. Ben heard
me in the shower saying, “Look here shower curtain liner. You better get up off me and do right or I’m
taking you back to the store, do you hear me?
I promise you I’ll take you right back to Big Lots, don’t make me do it!”
That’s
what I get for trying to shop at fancy stores.
