It’s October and
my friends and neighbors of the heathen variety have begun decorating for their
favorite pagan holiday. I’m kidding, of
course, but I always say an extra prayer or two for these particular sinners
this time of the year. Namaste, or
whatever.
Talk of Halloween
always leads to talk of fear – what scares people, why, how can (you) scare
someone without getting beat up, etc. I
have some very specific but not uncommon fears:
clowns, small dark spaces, white people in large groups, flip flops and
jeans. Wait, that last one is a pet
peeve more than a fear, but it’s awful nonetheless. Other pet peeves include forced small talk in
social situations, people who laugh at their own jokes, wasted potential and
vegan dishes with the single exception of the Vegan Chocolate Cake from Whole
Foods.
The reason I was
thinking of scary things was I noticed the storm drains while walking to
my favorite breakfast place in my neighborhood, Chuck’s Coffee Shop. I am consistently hyper-aware of storm drains ever since I
watched Stephen King’s It on VHS in
college; it messed me up, y’all. That was
in 1992 and I still cannot walk past a storm drain at night without moving to
the middle of the street. Even in the
day time I am loath to walk directly by them, ever alert to the possibility of
a clown, balloon or both.
It occurred to me
that you could scare many people by
simply tying a red balloon to a storm drain, not to mention if you placed a
clown mask just inside the drain itself.
I have seen the
commercials for the new, updated movie, It. I have also seen numerous photos of the
restyled Pennywise the Clown, sent from my
thinking-they-are-funny-but-they-are-not friends. Of course, he’s terrifying at first
glance. However, one thing caught my eye
the last time I quickly scanned the photo before screaming and throwing it
across the room. When I am frightened, I
do not freeze in fear. My first
instinct, when scared, is to hit/throw and then run, like if Mike Tyson and
Usain Bolt had a child, except pale and out of shape. Okay, maybe not like Mr. Tyson and Mr.
Bolt. How about if Lord Grantham (from Downton Abbey) and Beverly Leslie (from Will & Grace) had a son?
What I noticed was
Pennywise’s outfit. It’s an odd mix of
styles. It’s King Louis XIV meets Moulin
Rouge meets Gene Simmons (from Kiss) preparing to sit for a portrait by
Vermeer. I mean, who decided mid-calf
ruffles and bows would inspire terror? And
wouldn’t a cotton or lace ruff (that fluffy cravat-gone-awry) inhibit you from properly
unhinging your jaw like any self-respecting creature intent on killing and/or
maiming? Not to mention, who wears white
in the sewer? Even the proud lineage of
wash-n-wear polyester has its stain-resistant limits.
The ensemble looks
very specific, almost as if it were custom-made. Wouldn’t that be an interesting design
consultation? Did he and the designer
argue whether or not three red puff balls down the front of the outfit was more
menacing than four? Was he attempting to
use the high waist and peplum as some sort of treatise on the
torturous rule of French Royalty or did he simply think something so
fashion-forward would frighten the tacky masses? Suffice it to say, whatever Mr. Pennywise wanted, he got. You would be forced to say yes to that
particular style of dress or have your soul eaten or whatever he does to
people, I’ve purposefully forgotten.
The original
Pennywise dressed like Bozo the Clown.
It was frightening in its familiarity underscored with malevolence. He looked like any other random creepy clown
at a circus, birthday party, driving a panel van for kidnapping purposes. This new couture Pennywise is entirely something
else, and I wonder if It’s actually scary. If your entrance into a room would cause Tim
Gunn to question your level of taste, as opposed to, say, flee in fear, you may
have miscalculated your 'look'.
Is Pennywise from the
past? The future? Are flounces making an unwelcome comeback
much like acid washed denim? I love a
turtleneck but I am not prepared to embrace the ruff, lace or otherwise. And no one can pull off a peplum, y’all. Seriously, no one. Maybe Portia DeRossi DeGeneres, but even then I'm unsure.
I am assuming his
ensemble was a risky choice designed to lull his victims into an initial lack
of fear so he could kill them more easily.
I don’t know if Pennywise was overthinking it or if I am but it feels
like someone was trying too hard and that’s more sad than scary.
