Uncle Dusty's Guide to Leadership

I recently graduate from an excellent leadership program called the Excellence in Government Fellowship with the Partnership for Public Service.  This program brought together 200 current and future leaders from across the federal government from Departments of State, Health and Human Services, Veterans Affairs, Defense, Education and many others including the White House and even the Architect of the Capitol's Office.  This program was based on the Executive Core Qualifications for the Senior Executive Service, which I refer to as the muckety-shmucks of the federal system.  As one of my career goals is to become one of these illustrious muckety-schmucks, being one of the ten VA employees selected to attend is a definite feather in my cap, so to speak.  

We graduated last month and I submitted a speech in hopes to be selected to represent my classmates at the ceremony.  While I was one of the top three finalists, another classmate from the Department of Education was chosen and her speech was truly inspiring.  However, I thought it might be fun to share the words I would have spoken.  Maybe they'll resonate with you.  So herewith are my (not-quite) immortal words.

"Leadership, like education, should be focused on developing the next generation. It’s the whole “pay it forward” concept without the schmaltzy movie with the kid who saw dead people in the only other movie he made that anyone remembers.

My time in the Excellence in Government Fellowship, taught me a number of lessons, five of which I’ll focus on today.  Customers are anyone who isn’t you.  And your focus should be on the customer; however, you have to first know who you are in order to be effective.  This reflection will force you to be honest with yourself about who you are and why you think the way you do.  The best leaders are aware of their limitations and work to strengthen them by focusing on what they do well and trying to emulate their successes.  Reading the “Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry” was an important step in remembering to focus on the positives, learn from your successes and to use those lessons to address your failures or “areas" of "improvement” (with actual air quotes).

I have a passion for teaching, but not in a traditional setting.  One of the ways I am able to transfer training from short to long term memory is to immediately teach those lessons to my managers and other staff upon my return from each session.  The one group of people for whom I can easily translate each principle to specific work should be the staff in my own department.  And this introduces staff at all levels to principles and philosophies that they otherwise might not have access.  To withhold leadership training until someone is placed into a leadership position is not setting those people up for success.  Everyone can benefit from leadership training, if for no other reason than to have a frame of reference for their leader’s expectations.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but an important lesson was one I received long ago from my mother and most of my elementary and high school teachers; to “hush” every now and then and actually listen to those within your sphere of influence.  If you’re always talking, Dustin Terryll, how are you going to know what people think? 

Combining listening with authenticity is integral to success.  You can’t simply understand leadership principles but you must live them every day.  I know I am not Abraham Lincoln (I am far too stylish to wear that whole ‘beard with no moustache’ thing); however, I can take his lessons and merge them with my leadership style and put them to work every day.  And these are ideals that are still relevant today.  Lincoln’s “Circulating among the troops”?  It’s the same principle as a Lean’s Gemba Walks, just without the Toyotas.  Fair warning, these interactions with your front-line staff will take a thick skin.  Letting your employees offer candid feedback, without fear of reprisal, makes sense.  Where do you think you should get ideas on how to improve a process if not from those who actually use the process every day?  If you function in a vacuum, you function alone.  If you aren’t sure you’re in a vacuum, you probably are. 

I know opening yourself up to scrutiny takes courage but you should never be afraid to make a mistake.  No one is perfect but Jesus and he doesn’t work for the federal government, y’all.  Can I get an ‘Amen’?  Empowerment comes from employees feeling supported in taking calculated risks.  One way to foster that environment is to be honest about your struggles, failures and triumphs.  This way, your employees know that you don’t think you’re perfect and you don’t expect them to be either.  If we stopped trying to be perfect, we could all focus on being awesome!  And empowering your employees is the key to success.  Not to get all Dilbert cartoony, but if you have to tell your employees they are empowered, they’re not.

The final lesson is one I learned from my esteemed coach, Feli Sola-Carter.  She showed me that to be a great leader you have to believe you have a message to be heard; a vision to be shared; a style to be copied…to a point.  Not everyone can pull off pastel chinos, am I right?  Followers are the reason for leading.  If you don’t think you and your vision are admirable, why should anyone follow you?   

I applied to EIG to become a more thoughtful leader, to be a better support system for those with whom I interact.  I tell my staff that I don’t come to work focused on customers.  I come to work focused on my staff and they, in turn, focus on the customer.  The significance of the Excellence in Government Fellowship is it allowed me to grow as a leader by arming me with an exceptional set of tools.  If I use every available tool to create an environment where my staff have everything they need to succeed (space, equipment, training, empowerment), our customers, and in my case, our nation’s Veterans, receive all that they deserve."

And that is all I'm saying.

Uncle Dusty's Guide to Miss America

                I have been involved with the Miss America system since 1991 and I in that period of time I have educated more people than probably wanted to know about the great things the Miss America Scholarship Program can offer young women.  Outside of being the largest provider of scholarships for young women in the world, any young lady can increase her confidence, involve herself in social causes and get wonderful interview tips simply by competing.  As the 92^nd Miss America will be chosen this week, I thought it only appropriate that I give you Uncle Dusty’s Guide to Miss America. 

 1.       Miss America was started in 1921 in Atlantic City, New Jersey.  The first winner was 16 year-old Margaret Gorman from Washington, DC.  Originally, the pageant was a traditional beauty pageant highlighting the women wearing swimsuits.

2.       The only person to every win the pageant twice (that practice was stopped soon after) was Mary Katherine Campbell from Ohio.  She was Miss America 1922 and 1923 and was 1^st Alternate in 1924.

3.       The pageant was stopped in 1928 due to a few scandals and waning interest.  It was revived in 1933 and 15 year-old Marian Bergeron (Connecticut’s only winner) was crowned.  The contest wasn’t held in 1934 so Ms. Bergeron unofficially held her title for two years.

4.       Resurrected in 1935, they added Talent as a mandatory category and Henrietta Leaver of Pennsylvania took the title with a song and dance routine.  Some of the more interesting talents that have snagged a crown include Vibraharp (Bebe Shopp, 1948), poem recital (Evelyn Ay, 1954), an original fashion design exhibition (Nancy Fleming, 1961), ventriloquism (Vonda Van Dyke, 1965), conducting the Miss America orchestra (Jane Jayroe, 1967), trampoline (Judith Ford, 1969), Flute (Shirley Cothran, 1975), Gymanstics (Kylene Barker, 1979), Tahitian Dance (Kaye Lani Rae Rafko, 1988) and Marimba (Debbye Turner, 1990).  These days most every winner sings, dances or plays the piano.  I long for roller ballet or clogging.

5.       In 1941, when the first runner-up from 1940 (Rosemary LaPlanche of California) came back to effortlessly win the pageant, the rule that a young woman could only compete once was instituted.   Jo-Carroll Dennison from Texas won that year.  I'm going to assume she deserved it over Roselle Marie Hannon of Pennsylvania who first runner-up in 1941.  Since she's from Texas, I'm giving Ms. Dennison a pass.

6.       In 1945, Bess Myerson became the first Jewish winner and the first Pageant scholarship recipient.  This scholarship came at the suggestion of Jean Bartel, Miss America 1943, who was the first college student to win the title.  For those who are curious, she was a Kappa Kappa Gamma at UCLA.  I was fortunate enough to meet her in 2011, a few months before she passed away; every bit as elegant as you'd expect royalty to be. 

7.       The pageant began post-dating the year for the winners, leaving 1950 without a representative.  Miss America 1951 (crowned in 1950) was Yolanda Betbeze, an opera singer from Alabama, who refused to tour the country as a swimsuit model for Catalina swimwear, the Pageant’s major sponsor.  The subsequent comment at a new conference by Miss America 1949, Jacquie Mercer of Arizona, “Why don’t you go start your own pageant,” led to the beginning of the Miss USA Pageant.  This is why there is no talent category in Miss USA.  As a note, the beauty queens you see on YouTube who have embarrassed themselves answering questions are Miss USA contestants.

8.       In 1955, Lee Meriwether became the first winner to be crowned on television.  I offered to carry her to her room when she said her feet hurt after the Miss America Shoe Parade in 2011.  She politely declined, but did ask if she could use my shoulder to help keep her balance to change out of her heels.  I do believe I’m still smitten.

9.       The first back-to-back Miss Americas from the same state are crowned; Mary Ann Mobley and Lynda Mead Shea, Misses America 1959 and 1960 respectively.  As a note, they were also Chi Omega sorority sisters at Ole Miss, giving that particular house more Miss America titles than 28 states.  Hotty Toddy!

10.   The only other state with back-to-back winners is Oklahoma, bringing their total to six.  This places them in a tie with California for the state with the most Miss Americas.  Ohio has had six titles, but only 5 winners (see #2 above).  The other states with five winners include Pennsylvania, Illinois and Michigan.  Mississippi and New York have four each; Texas, Minnesota, Arkansas, Alabama, Colorado, Kansas and Virginia have had three each.  The only southern state to not have a Miss America is Louisiana, although they’ve had several first runners-up.  Why the focus on the South, you ask?  As Suzanne Sugarbaker said, "You will never see an ugly Miss Mississippi!"

11.   There have been 86 young women who have held the title of Miss America.  I have met 35 of them.  Yes, I am bragging.  Most impressive was Bebe Shopp, Miss America 1948.  I met her in 2011 and she walked the Shoe Parade route for in 3-inch heels.  That, my friends, is a real woman.  It was after this parade that I also formed an alliance with Miss America 1982’s (Tawny Godin) husband to pilfer her parade sign as a souvenir.  I feel my knowledge of and dedication to this program should give me immunity from any punishment.

12.   The first African-American Miss America contestant was Cheryl Browne, Miss Iowa in 1970.  The first African-American winner was Vanessa Williams of New York.  When she resigned her crown 11 months later she was succeeded by another African-American woman, Suzette Charles, of neighboring New Jersey.

13.   Sharlene Wells, Miss America 1985, is the only winner born in another country.  Her parents were Mormon missionaries in Paraguay.

14.   Social platforms were added in 1989 at the suggestion of Miss America 1988; Kaye Lani Rae Rafko (by far, the best named Miss America).  Ms. Rafko was a Nurse who spent her year talking about AIDS hospices.  There is a requirement for each contestant to have spent many hours volunteering with the social cause of her choice.  Miss America 2000 and my fabulous friend, Heather French Henry, spent her year as an advocate for Veterans and she has written and illustrated children’s books with a patriotic theme. 

15.   I haven’t always agreed with the winners (Missy Hurdle was robbed in 1992!) but I will always love the Miss America program and the great things that it does for the participants.  Good Luck, ladies! 

 

And that is all I’m saying.

Uncle Dusty's Guide to Religion

                Growing up in a Southern Baptist church, I have had many conversations about our specific denominational beliefs, such as the interpretation of “new wine” in the Bible as unfermented grapes, which is grape juice and that is what we drink during the Lord’s Supper, also known as communion.   I currently attend a Presbyterian church as the pastor is the author of a Bible Study I completed at my non-denominational church in DC.  I like the Presbyterian Church and I agree with them except something in their creed about believing in the Catholic Church, which I do not say with them.  I simply stop talking, hard as that may be to believe. 

                At a recent dinner party at my friend Peter’s (Hi Peter!) home, we were discussing his Iranian/lapsed Presbyterian background and it lead to a discussion of different denominations and being the token Southerner, I was asked to share how my people (Southern Baptists) view other denominations.  When I ran pretty quickly through the list, those in attendance asked me to put finger to keyboard and share this information with the world, or at least the 44 of you who read this blog.  So here goes Uncle Dusty’s Guide to Religion.

1.       Baptists (there are several subsets): 

Southern Baptist - Big hair in a good way.  May be located outside of the South.  Fondness for casseroles, preferably cheese-covered.

                                Missionary Baptist – Not Southern Baptists, but close.

                                American Baptist – Not Southern Baptists at all.

Primitive Baptist – Not Southern Baptists but attend church once a month and are also fond of casseroles.  However, they do the actual washing of feet which, while Biblical, is a bit too literal for most Southern Baptists.

2.       Methodists – Baptists who drink and dance without shame or guilt.

3.       Catholics – Pray to Mary, who Baptists admire but do not worship.  That whole ‘Pope thing’, Baptists find confusing.  They have been known to attend Mass in their pajamas.  Unsure of where they stand on casseroles.

4.       Episcopalians – Catholics with more money and less guilt.

5.       Presbyterians – Episcopalians who are sometimes somewhat more liberal but with just as much money.

6.       Lutherans – Not certain this is an actual denomination; may refer to a group of men named Luther.  Rumored to appreciate casseroles, but what man named Luther wouldn’t?

7.       Mennonites & Amish – Mennonites drive cars; Amish drive buggies.  Both wear basic black but in a decidedly non-trendy way.

8.       Assemblies of God – Suspected of speaking in tongues.  Sometimes have big hair.  Allowed to watch TV.  Baptists are not real sure about any of the aforementioned information and are far too polite to ask.

9.       Pentecostals – Big hair, but not in a good way.  Can’t watch TV.

10.   Church of Christ. – don’t have pianos during their services because there were no pianos in the Bible.  I don’t remember Bible verses mentioning pitch pipes but they use those.  Do not broach this subject; they will not find you humorous.

11.   Seventh Day Adventists – not sure it’s a real church; might be a cult.

12.   Moonies – definitely a cult.

13.   Hari Krishnas – do they still have those?

14.   Jehovah’s Witnesses – ride bicycles and don’t like holidays.

15.   Scientology – Really?  I think everyone has the same opinion. 

I don’t think I’ve forgotten anyone, lest I was afraid to mention them.  Oh, and before whomever I just offended get your knickers in a knot over this list, remember that to forgive is divine but to forget is downright rude.  At the very least you should forward this to your friends so y’all can all be angry at me at the same time, while my readership increases.  I’m trying to get a book deal, y’all.  And that is all I’m saying.

Would Sherlock Holmes wear colored chinos?

Throughout my early childhood I enjoyed solving mysteries.  My first partner in crime was Encyclopedia Brown, a 12 year-old as clever as I considered myself to be.  After a few years, I widened my mystery solving circle to include the Hardy Boys, including the book and the short-lived TV show starring Shaun Cassidy, Mr. “Da Doo Ron Ron” himself.  Interesting side note, he is the son of Mama Partridge, Shirley Jones.  His co-star was Parker Stevenson, possessor of the manliest feathered hair in TV history and ex-husband of one of my favorite stars, Kirstie Alley.  I love Ms. Alley fat or thin; the same way I feel about Delta Burke, Sara Rue and Oprah.

                The original definition of the word clue was “a ball of thread”.  This is why you “unravel” a mystery.  Those of you who have read my southern mystery (“A Gone Pecan” – available at your favorite online retailer) already knew that.  Those of you, who haven’t bothered to buy my book, shame on you.  You’re the reason I’m destitute!  Yes, I said destitute!  Well, not really.  I just like the ego boost of a book sale.  I’m only human, y’all.

                Those of you who are familiar with my life know The Dad crochets, so lately I have been on a roll; unraveling threads both literally and figuratively.  The figurative threads have been in relation to my father’s sudden uptick in visits outside our home.  Prior to the last few months, he would only leave the house to go to his doctor appointments as I refused to take him anymore; hoping it would help him explore the area where we live.  All it did was have him retaliate by refusing to drive me to the airport when I have to travel.  But that is a small price to pay to help him alleviate some of his stress about living “not in the South”.

                When he moved in with me I took over his finances as his financial savvy is on par with my small engine repair skills and, at his request, he must justify his “pocket money” each week.  I’ll share our most recent conversation.

                The Dad (TD):  “I’m go’n need my pocket money for Wensdy.  I’ve gotta go to the fruit market.”

                Me: “The fruit market?”

                TD:  “You know…the…fairy market?  Flea market?  Fillin’ market?”

                Me:  “Fillin’ market?  Like a fillin’ station?  Do you think you’re in Mayberry, Sheriff Taylor?”

                TD:   Getting irritated, “No!  You know that market at the hospital.  It starts with an F.  Frito market?

                Me:  With more attitude than was probably warranted, “Do you mean the farmer’s market?”

TD:  “Yeah, that’s it.  Boy you sure are mean early in the mornin’.”

Me:  “I’ll ignore that.  How much do you need?”

TD:  “$20.  Then I can get okry, tommy-toes and some snap beans.”

Me:  “$20?  Isn’t that a bit much for veggies?  How much do they cost?”

TD:  “Well, it’s $2 a pound for okry and I get two pounds.  And it’s $2 a pound for tommy-toes and I get about 3 pounds and then it’s $2 a pound for snap beans and I get about 2 pounds of those.  So that’s $20, just like last week.”

Me:  “That’s actually less than $15.  Where’s your change from last week?”

TD:  “I spent it all.  It costs $20.”

Me:  “So you spent $4 on okra, $6 on tomatoes and $4 on snap beans?”

TD:  “Yep.”

Me:  “Six plus four plus four is 14, not 20.  So how many cookies did you buy?”

TD:  “Just one…um…I mean, none.”

Me:  “Really?  So how much fried chicken did you buy?”

TD:   Suddenly defensive, “None, Mr. Smart Guy.  They didn’t have fried chicken.”

Me:  “So you had pizza instead?”

TD:  “Yes.  I mean, No!”

Me:  “Uh, huh, let’s look at the old blood sugar diary shall we?”

TD:  “You should’ve been a detective, butt hole.”

Me:  “I agree but figuring out your spending habits is like playing Trivial Pursuit with Mike Tyson.  It doesn’t take much effort.”

TD:  “Why don’t you go play in the traffic?”

Me:  “I love you, too, old man.”

And that is all I’m saying.

Uncle Dusty's Guide to 'The Princess Bride'

Several friends and I recently viewed, for the eleventy-fifth time, the modern classic ‘The Princess Bride’ in a park in San Francisco with 3,000 other citizens of the Bay Area.  If you’ve ever been to San Francisco in August, you know that nighttime outdoor activities require two things: a jacket and a tolerance for second-hand marijuana smoke. 

As I sat enjoying my picnic dinner with my posse, I gave much thought to the many lessons you learn through experiences and my repeat viewings of this particular movie have taught me many things.  So herewith I present Uncle Dusty’s Guide to 'The Princess Bride'.

1.       True love might be right under your nose.

2.       Having a giant for a friend is an awesome thing.  A rhyming giant is better still.

3.       Beef stew and a hot water/cold water treatment is apparently a cure for chronic drunkenness.

4.       Revenge is all-consuming and not healthy; however, the outcomes often elicit applause from a crowd.

5.       Love is somewhat like floating in silk into a giant’s arm…near four white horses.

6.       Hateful tyrants are typically cowards and seem to enjoy wearing light blue velvet to formal events.

7.       An out of control ego can cause your death.

8.       Never start a land war in Asia.

9.       Billy Crystal is sorta funny.

10.   It’s always better to have a wheelbarrow.

11.   Just because you don’t think someone is following you, doesn’t mean they aren’t.

12.   Albinos have historically had limited career options.

13.   Accents are really funny especially during a wedding.

14.   Most wars are based on false information and outright lies.

15.   Mostly dead is still alive. So if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

And that is all I’m saying.

Uncle Dusty's Guide to Job Interviews

I’ve been in involved in selecting new hires for government and private sector for the past 15 years and I am here to tell you, most interviews are painful because most people aren't skilled in this area.  There are so few people who have great interview skills, even at top levels.  As the summer draws to a close and many of you are looking for work, herewith are a few tips to help you land your dream job.  Or at least that job you’ll take until your dream job opens up.  FYI, the job of stopping bad drivers and taking their licenses is MY dream job, so back off. 

1.       Before you apply for any position, have someone proof read your resume.  To ensure you don’t miss any errors read you should read your resume backwards.  It won’t make sense and each word spelling will stand out.  Spell check only finds words that are misspelled; not the wrong word spelled correctly.

2.       Make each resume specific for the job for which you’re applying.  Do not put generic information about vague career goals.  I want to know why you want to work for me in my specific department in my specific business, not that you want to “enter an exciting career where you can put to use your skills.”  Everybody everywhere wants that.  It’s like saying ‘World Peace’ in a beauty pageant.  And on that note, the Miss America and Miss America Outstanding Teen programs offer amazing opportunities for young women to learn interview skills.  Dudes, all you have is me.

3.       Always dress appropriately for your interview:

Men:   This means no shorts, ever.  No matter the job, at the very least wear khakis and a button down, even if it’s Fun Time Water Park or Tractor Supply.  If your job will be indoors, wear a tie.

Women:  This means no mini-skirts or belly shirts, ever.  Unless you are applying for a job at Hooter’s.  Then you are on your own and should be somewhat ashamed of yourself.

4.      You are a product.  Learn to sell your product.  If you can’t sell you, who can?  I am looking to pay money for a product.  Tell me why I should buy your product.  What are the specifics of your product?  Why should I buy you?  Don’t try to sell me a ’73 Vega when I want a ’13 Lexus.  If you think you are a ’73 Vega, maybe you shouldn’t be applying for jobs.

5.       Never answer any question with, “I don’t know.”  If you’re not familiar with a process or don’t have that specific experience, tell me what you do you have.  For example, you could say, “While I haven’t worked with the SQ9000 inventory system, I did reorganize the inventory at ABC Company and I feel I could quickly learn your system.”  Give me something that shows your ability to think on your feet.

6.       Give specific examples of your achievements; details are important.  How much you increased sales, how you standardized processes, how you analyzed data and used that information to increase efficiency, how many people you trained in how many weeks, etc.  If you are new to the workforce, tell me some achievements from school or extra-curricular activities.  Volunteer work is still work.

7.       If you are afraid to brag in an interview, you don’t need to be in that interview.  If you don’t think you’re awesome, why should I?

8.       On that note, yes, you may be wonderful but you’re not that wonderful.  Nobody is that wonderful.   Don’t be arrogant, be confident.  There is a difference.

9.       Most careers are about managing relationships.  Tell me how you develop and maintain working relationships.  Do not say, “I am a people person”.  Everyone is a people person.  Okay, maybe not Charles Manson, Nancy Grace or my Dad, but most everyone else.

10.   Always be early for your interview.  DO NOT BE LATE…EVER!  When it is somewhere around 10 minutes before your appointment, present yourself to the assistant/receptionist/secretary and say, “I’m here for an interview with Mr./Mrs. BlahBlah.  I know I’m a little early.  Thank you.”  Then sit and wait, politely and quietly and not playing candy crush on your cell phone.  For that matter, do not bring your cell phone into the interview.  To be taken seriously as a candidate for a job, you must show yourself to be serious about the job.  If you don’t think I won’t ask my assistant about how you interacted with her, you are wrong.

11.   Research the business you want to join.  Visit their website.  Talk to some of their employees.  Learn specifics.  You’d be surprised how few people actually do that.  Stand out from the crowd and outscore your competition.

12.   Make sure you talk about all the things you feel you should in the interview, but don’t overshare.  If you are questioning whether you are over-sharing, you probably are.

13.   If you don’t get the opportunity to mention something you feel I need to know, take time at the end of the interview, when I ask, “Is there anything else you’d like me to know?”, to add pertinent information and leave me with a picture of why I should select you.  The last thing I should be thinking when you leave the room is “THAT is who I’m hiring”, not “Wow, THAT was painful” or “Really?  He wore a sweatshirt?”  Both of those scenarios have happened.

14.   Always thank the interviewer and whomever else with whom you interacted.  Send a thank you note or e-mail the next day to the interviewer or panel.  Do not send a thank you text, ever.

15.   If you haven’t heard from me in the time frame I gave you, call me for a status on the selection process.  You should never be annoying but you should show your interest.  If you’re questioning whether you’re annoying, you probably are.

I hope this helps you, but if you have any questions, just let me know.  I am driven, driven, to help others.  I’m a giver, y’all.  It’s what I do.  And that is all I’m saying.

Can a bus be fueled by Lincoln Logs?

                I should have known something was amiss when the tour bus finally arrived and I pointed out to my colleagues that, “um…that back window is plywood… painted black.”  Let me back up a little.

                I was in DC recently for my Excellence in Government Fellowship's Business Acumen session.  One of our benchmarks included leadership lessons learned at the Battle of Gettysburg.  To get the full effect, we were to travel there by bus and take a guided tour by a retired government executive who has created a very informative lesson concerning the successes and failures on both sides of the War Between the States.

                We were supposed to be at the Partnership for Public Service building on New York Avenue early enough to board the bus and leave by 7:00 am.  This required me to cut short my much needed beauty sleep and forgo the free breakfast at my hotel and be all aggressive about Deonte at Starbucks (he had a nametag, people) opening the doors at precisely 6:00 am even though he was not finished stocking the baked goods display, causing him to under-sweeten my Trenta Black Iced Tea, four Splenda, no water. As a former food service person, I totally understand why he did it.  I ain’t mad at him, y’all.

                My classmate from San Antonio (hey Cory!) and I shared a cab driven by a man who was unhappy to not be taking us to the aero puerto (that’s Spanish, although he was not) and dropped us off at 6:30 on the nose as we are not ones to dawdle all up and through here.  Cory, too, is from the boonies.  Oddly enough we went to school less than 20 miles from each other in the wilds of East Texas.  However, as neither of us had a mode of transport other than our bodies (and you know I wasn’t traveling any further than the bus stop in those days, at least voluntarily), we never met each other until this program. The world is tee-niney, dear readers.  Tee-niney indeed.

                So, I was ready to get on the bus as snacks were promised and I needed a full stomach so as to fully realize all the American Spirit that lies within me and learn something.  At least I hoped to learn something other than I freckle like the dickens when exposed to too much sun.  I actually already knew that and it doesn’t even have to be the sun; a flashlight or bright lamp does the trick most of the time.  I sure do hope freckles are deemed sexy at some point in my lifetime.  Dare to dream, right?

                Those of my classmates who are from out of state (locals had the option of driving their own cars) had assembled at the appointed time and location and were awaiting the bus(es) when 7 o’clock came and went just like I did around the corner to the Subway (sandwich shop, not public transport) as they now serve breakfast.  As the hour changed from 7 to 8 with still no bus, our fearless point of contact (hey Lindsay!) made some phone calls and seemingly ascertained that the buses were in fact en route having been caught in traffic.  As the hour slid toward 9, there were more calls and no bus and the report became the buses had been caught behind a wreck on the interstate.  More classmates left, Subway did a fairly brisk breakfast shift that morning, as did the quickie mart in the lobby of the beautiful art deco building at 1100 New York Avenue.

                After several comments ranging from “Did they say New York Avenue or an avenue in New York?” and “were they behind a wreck or in a wreck?” the buses finally arrived at the ripe old time of 10:15.  Wisely I chose to board the bus that was not powered by a wood-burning stove and off we went to learn of many things leadershippy from His Lincoln-ness.  After we had been driving for more than an adequate amount of time to have left District of Columbia city/state limits, we received a phone call from one of the other points of contact that someone on the wood-burning bus had called her and said that the bus was in fact driving 30 mph with the flashers on as they were in the throes of a breakdown.  When our fearless Lindsay asked our bus driver if he could contact his co-worker driving the breaking-down bus, he replied, “No.”  So, we texted one of the other passengers and had them call us from the area near the ear, nose and throat of their bus driver who stated matter-of-factly that they were not about to breakdown.  When it was ascertained that he did not know what he was talking about, our fearless Lindsay stated, “We must go and get our classmates.  No EIG-er left behind”, while American flag-clad gymnasts flipped behind her holding sparklers and grown men wept at her selfless Americanism.  I may have overstated that last part but she was impressive to say the least.  And she was duly recognized by our fearless coach, Feli (hey Feli!).  There are many fearless people at the Partnership for Public Service, y’all.

                After it was decided that we would rescue them and it was also noticed that they were not behind us, we had to exit to turn around on the car-packed highway to get them.  In moments of crisis I am very calm but also downright pedestrian in my grammar.  My suggestion to “bust off across the median” was wisely ignored.  I did that once in a truck.  I was asleep at the time.  It didn’t end well.

                Once we re-traced our steps, as it were, we found that the driver of the wood-burning bus had not been truthful to their whereabouts.  We then called the bus and through the magic of GPS found that not only had the bus driver been driving too slow, he had also taken the wrong exit and was in Virginia, not Maryland.  Once we got there the bus driver was adamant that nothing was wrong with his bus even as there was black smoke running up the back of said bus.  As our comrades boarded our bus, he took off in his bus, very quickly I might add, shouting about his intended retirement.  Well not so much shouting as it was being reported by his former passengers. 

                Upon our return to the highway, we had driven another twenty minutes or so and I saw the exit for College Park.  To those from the DC area, you know that this means we are FAR, FAR from Pennsylvania.  I commented that we should just exit at the Ikea and have meatballs for lunch.  Although many concurred, we trudged ever onward toward the Burg that is Gettys. 

                We finally arrived and went straight to the buffet that was to be the mid-point of the day.  Nothing against the proprietors of General Pickett’s Buffet, but what I did not need prior to heading out into the open fields to hear tales of leadership gone awry and poor communication in spite of the talent on the Southern side was meatloaf and mashed taters.  I was weighted down, y’all.  Walking sleepy and stumbling toward an actual ledge atop Flattop or Tabletop, I forget which one.

                Suffice it to say, I did learn a lot about leadership from the battle but I learned much more from the trip getting there.  Some of the lessons I learned from the wood-burning bus besides never get on a conveyance that has wooden parts unless it is the paneled side of an estate wagon are:

1.       Never be too afraid to speak up in the face of poor decisions.

2.       Never lie about your whereabouts; you will be found out, and then silently judged.

3.       Never leave your team behind.  Everyone is important, especially those with granola bars and water.

4.       Never, under any circumstances, eat meatloaf on a walking tour.

5.       The Subway at 11^th and New York Avenue in DC is open for breakfast and there isn’t a line.

And that is all I’m saying.