Hey, y'all. I was reviewing the statistics from my blog, trying to figure out how to convince more people to read the darn thing so I can get a book deal and make a little money. There are always more pants to buy and more cinnamon rolls. So far, I've not met their lofty ad click threshold of $10, so they can cut me my first ad revenue check. The 59 of you who have registered to follow this blog, I adore all of you. To quote Miss Tina Turner, you are simply the best. The rest of you lot are on my naughty list and I can assure you I know both Jesus and Santa Claus, so whomever you're most afraid of, I'm telling them all about your unwillingness to make me rich.
On an other note, I was looking at the traffic sources for my blog and I noticed a very interesting list of the home countries of fans of my blog. Here is the Top 10.
1. US
2. Ukraine
3. Russia
4. UK
5. Philippines
6. Indonesia
7. Unknown Region
8. Switzerland
9. Germany
10. Japan
What exactly is going on here? Other than being spied on by Ukraine and Russia (I assume), where is Unknown Region? How does The Internets not know where somewhere is? The Internets knows where I park, where I go every other Thursday after work and what exactly I've been wanting to purchase but just haven't. It's creepy but also convenient for The Internets to know everything. So if it doesn't know, what am I to think?
Is Unknown Region a proper noun? Is it a place? Is it outer space? Is it a rift in the space/time continuum? Is this a Doctor Who episode and if so, which Doctor is it? It had better be 10 or 11; 13, in a pinch. 12 would be okay if he wasn't always so irritable. He's like The Dad when he's tired of waiting for the Meals on Wheels people, except with a guitar. If we were in the TARDIS together, one of us would have thrown the other one out the door somewhere during the first episode. Also, why can't River Song be a Doctor?
But, returning to the less concerning locales, Switzerland is about as posh as they come. Well done me. I wonder if I should go there for a book signing? I've been to UK but am always looking for an excuse to go back. I've also heard Berlin is amazing, so maybe I'll plan a whole Western Europe trip to meet my people; all my loveable Pennies? Loafers? Almosters? What do you call yourselves? Do you call yourselves anything? If not, why not?
We are headed to the Philippines for our honeymoon later this year. Maybe those fans in Indonesia can meet us there? I don't want to go to two hot places in one year. Plus, Indonesia doesn't have Bangus Embutido or Chicken Pastel. Manila does, so it's Manila for the win.
I guess it doesn't matter where you are, I really appreciate your support. Please forward my blog posts to your friends. But not this one, it's not that funny. Send them a good one. And for those who are reading the blog from the Unknown Region, let me know where you are, if you can. Or at least send me a picture of your location's flag or an example of your clothing or your favorite food, as long as it's not spicy.
Please and thank you.
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